Clit Sex

In this section you'll learn all about the clitoris, where it is and what to do with it. If you're female, you'll probably know most of this. So, read away, but get your boyfriend / lover / husband / partner to read it, especially if he hasn't found your clit or doesn't know how to bring you to orgasm with it. If you're male, read on.

For simplicity the text refers to 'you' as the male partner and she or her as the female partner.

1. The Clit: what is it, where is it, what do i do with it
    
2. The Labia: the lips of the vagina
    
3. Oral Sex: tongue play
    
4. Clittage: she rubs her clit on you
    
5. Parts of the Clit: the glans and the foreskin
    
6. Female orgasm

The Clit: A Magic Sex Pleasure Button

The clit is a magic sex pleasure button for women. The clit (clitoris) is very like the penis except much smaller. If you stroke it the right way, it'll give a woman lots of pleasure, and orgasm. The clit is the only organ on either human body that has sex pleasure as its sole function. It's about 1 to 2 cm long and found just above the opening to the vagina:

Figure 1. The Clit (click to enlarge)

Like the penis, the clit has a foreskin and a shaft. But there are many ways to stroke the clit. Each woman is different. You'll have to figure out which way is the right way for your female partner. The absolute quickest way to learn is to get her to show you how she strokes her clit and then copy what she does.
Most women masturbate by stroking their clit. Basically what you want to do is copy the way she masturbates. However, she may not masturbate at all, or may not want to show you how. In this case you'll have to work it out by experimenting on her clit with different strokes.
Never go straight for her clit though. Always begin with lots and lots of foreplay and teasing. Then before you go near her clit, massage the area around it. This gives the clit time to fill with blood (like the penis), making it ready to be touched directly.

• Exercise 1: Work around her clit
  Massage the areas around her clit: thighs, belly, hips. Gradually work your way closer. Make circles around her clit but don't touch it. Do this for at least a few minutes.
  When you get to her clit, use the tip of one finger. Rub it lightly around in a circle, up and down, or left and right. It all depends on what she prefers. Everyone woman, and every clit, is different. In general though use a light touch at first.

• Exercise 2: Play with her clit

Once you're sure she's ready, place the tip of your finger onto her clit. This will be easier if her legs are apart. Begin by massaging her clit lightly. Stroke it in a circle at first. Then try the other directions, up/down or left/right. Ask her which she prefers.

Figure 2. Different clit strokes (click to enlarge)

Again the best way to stroke her clit is basically going to be the same way she masturbates - so get her to show you how. If she offers any advice, take it. Before you go near her clit make sure your nails are cut short. Its delicate, like the penis. Long or sharp nails can cause cuts.

If you don't get feedback from her, you may be stroking her clit completely wrong (don't forget what's right for one person is probably wrong for another). If you're doing it wrong she may not tell you, and you'll never get anywhere. Ask her which way she likes her clit stroked. Once you find the right clit stroke, pleasure is more likely, as is orgasm.

The Labia: Stroke the labia along with the clit

After playing with her clit for a while, you can stroke her labia to add more sex pleasure. The labia are the lips of the vagina (see diagram below). They respond well to light stroking and touching, like the clit. Like the lips of the mouth, the labia are sensitive to touch and more sensitive to touch during sexplay. Try it:

• Exercise 3: stroke her labia

Run the tip of your finger upwards along her labia. Repeat the motion like a paintbrush gently but quickly stroking up a canvas. Experiment with different ways of stroking, massaging and squeezing her labia. Gently take hold of the labia between finger and thumb and run up and down its length.

Figure 3. Rub her labia with quick, upward strokes (click to enlarge) After this you can try playing with her clit and labia at the same time. Also try wetting the area, either with fluid from her vagina or with your saliva. This usually makes clit sex nicer. Remember to get feedback from her - no advice from a website can substitute for advice from your partner. Follow what she tells you to do at any stage.

Parts of the Labia
The labia are actually two sets of lips - the outer labia (labia majora) and the inner labia (labia minora). The inner labia are the smaller lips found just around the entrance to the vagina. The outer labia are the larger lips as pointed to in the diagram above. Both sets of labia are loaded with touch sensitive nerves (though not as densely as the clitoris) that respond well to stroking and touching. The labia are best stroked lightly but your partner may want slightly heavier contact as clit sex progresses.

 Oral Sex

Giving oral sex to women is simple. Just lick her clit up and down as you would with your finger. Oral sex can include using your tongue on the vagina, but licking the clit is far, far more effective for female pleasure and much more likely to result in female orgasm. However, before heading straight for her clit, stimulate the entire area with an oral sex massage.

• Exercise 4: Oral sex massage

Give your partner's clit and labia a gentle oral sex massage by taking it all into your mouth, as you would a nipple, rolling, sucking and licking all around. Use different parts of your tongue, the tip, the centre etc. Use lots of saliva. Do this for quite some time. The longer the better. Like any sex, oral sex goes best with lots of build up, teasing and foreplay.

Once you have massaged enough, move onto oral sex directly on the clit. Remember everyone is different - this may not be pleasurable for her.

• Exercise 5: The Lickjob: Oral sex on the clit

Run your tongue over her clit. Follow the same direction you use with your finger if possible. If not then just lick up and down. Build up an idea of the shape and size of her clit as you massage it back and forth with your tongue. Stop and stroke it with your finger every so often if you want. Play with the labia as well. Again, licking in and around her vagina will be pleasurable, but unlikely to bring her to orgasm.

Oral Sex on the Exposed Clit
Like the penis, the clit has a foreskin that can be pulled back to expose the clitoral glans - the small piece of flesh under the foreskin that gives the clit its size and shape. See the diagram below. Touching the exposed glans with your fingers is a big no-no (unless your fingers are wet and you're sure she likes having her exposed glans touched...). The beauty of the lickjob is that the tongue is so soft and smooth and wet, it can stroke the exposed clit directly without causing irritation. During oral sex you can gently pull back the foreskin with your fingers to expose the glans, and then lick it with your tongue. Remember to use plenty of saliva for lubrication, and to stop if your female partner doesn't enjoy this.

• Exercise 6: Oral sex on the exposed clit

With your fingers, gently pull back your partner's foreskin so that the tip of her clitoral glans is just exposed. Be careful of fingernails catching on her skin. Use plenty of saliva. Place the very tip of your tongue onto the top half of her exposed clit and gently lick up and down (see figure 6 below). Once you are sure your partner is enjoying that, you can try licking different parts of the exposed clit, and licking with different speeds and pressures.

Figure 4. Oral sex on the exposed glans (click to enlarge)

For more on the clit foreskin and glans, see clit parts.

...look no hands...
Now, for extra bonus oral sex points, get your tongue into that gap between foreskin and glans without using your fingers to pull back the foreskin. Keep stroking up and down along the glans, all the time keep the foreskin at bay with your tongue. However be aware some women might find this uncomfortable, so ask her if it's ok.

Oral Sex, Woman on Top
Another move you can try is lying on your back and letting her get on top of your face. She can face forwards or backwards. Now she rubs her clit back and forth along your tongue. Its kinda like oral sex mixed with clittage, oral clittage maybe. Beware you'll need a lot of tongue strength! If anyone knows any tongue weightlifting exercises, let us know.
... don't push it...
If you've never had oral sex with your partner, ask before you go down. She may not like oral sex, or just may not want to do it. That's her decision and must be respected. She may be embarrased about odours or appearance. Never try to force or coerce anyone into oral sex or any sex activity. Talk about it if you want, explain that it might be extremely pleasurable and orgasmic, but if someone says they don't want to do something, don't push it.

Clittage: she strokes her clit on you

A common way for women to get sex pleasure and orgasm is to rub their clit on some part of the male body (or any object, really). She can rub her clit on your thigh, your arm, your tongue, or up and down the shaft of your erect penis. This can in fact be more pleasurable for a woman than intercourse. The word clittage comes from clit + frottage (rubbing sex organs together).

• Exercise 7: Clittage

Lie on your back and get your female partner to kneel astride you - the woman on top position. Now get her to press her clit into your penis and rub up and down. This is a fairly common move. It's easy for a woman to get a lot of clit sex pleasure this way. You can use lubrication to increase sensation between clit and penis. Don't go straight to intercourse. Hang back and let her take her pleasure, for as long as she wants.

Figure 5. Clittage Side view. She rubs her clit along your penis (click to enlarge)

The crux of the move is that she controls all movement, speed and pressure. Her bodyweight is pressing down onto her clit and labia, amplifying sensation. She's in control of every last movement so every move is exactly what she wants. It's a highly efficient, reliable, pleasure mechanism.

It's also a common way for women to masturbate, by rubbing the clit on any object - pillow, towel, vibrator, teddy bear.

You can try the clit-penis rub in reverse - with the man on top. Have her lie on her back and lift her legs high. You then get on top and rub your penis along her clit and labia. Its nice, but its not as good as when she's on top, apparently.

Also she can rub her clit on your tongue. See oral sex, the woman on top part.

Finger Clittage
A similar move is where she rubs her clit against your finger. This can be done in more or less any position, but reverse positions are best (eg. doggy, spoons). You basically press your finger onto her clit and she rubs back and forth into it. You don't move at all, she does all the moving. Again this works well cos she is in control.

• Exercise 8: Finger Clittage

Ok here's two positions you can try this in: spoons (both lying on side, she faces away from you) and reverse chair (on a chair with your partner facing away from you). Don't go to intercourse yet. Try it without intercourse first. Once you're in position, simply place your finger (or possibly two fingers) onto her clit and let her thrust her hips back and forth. Her clit rubs back and forth against your finger. Don't try to move your finger around, just let her do all the work.

Dancefloor Clit Sex
Clit sex moves are not limited to the bedroom... try this one on the dance floor:

• Exercise 9: Dancefloor clittage

While dancing, move close together. Put one of your legs between your partner's legs. Now she can rub her clit gently against your upper thigh, through your clothes (or not, as the case may be). Bend your knees a little and put your hands on her waist. Move with the music. Side to side is usually better than back and forth.
Do it lightly, don't ram your leg into her. Let her control the pace and the pressure - she will be the one taking the pleasure, not you.

  I always wondered why women like tango so much...

Learn from the Expert
There are many ways to have clit sex. Your partner may prefer constant stroking in just one spot on her clitoris: just on the root for example, or on the tip or either side. Some women might find this highly irritating or numbing and may prefer you to change stroke every so often. She may not like clit sex at all, or may only like some type of stroking not discussed here.
Experiment. You can spend time masturbating yourselves in front of each other, or masturbating each other, or she can play with her clitoris during sex, or you can do it for her, and so on.
If possible, get her to guide you. Ask her to put her hand on top of yours as you stroke her clit and give you signals - ask to her to press on your hand if she wants it heavier, push down if she wants it further down, and so on. Or ask her to take your finger and place it exactly where she wants it.
This is the quickest and most efficient way for you to learn. She is the expert. Ask her to show you how she masturbates using her clit. Notice the position of her hands, exactly where her fingers are on her clit and labia, what direction they move in and how fast. Then just copy what she does. Realise that masturbation, for both women and men, is the most reliable and efficient sex activity available. Its capable of delivering incredible amounts of pure raw sex pleasure.
Its likely your partner has spent years perfecting her technique. She knows the exact speeds, pressures and locations to use. Learn from her. The closer you get to the way she masturbates, the more pleasure you will give her.

 

 Parts of the Clit: the foreskin and glans

The clitoris you see on the outside is made up of two parts - the foreskin and the glans. The foreskin is the stretchy layer of skin that covers the glans. The glans is the small round piece of flesh found under the foreskin. The foreskin rolls comfortably back and forth over the glans, just like the foreskin and glans of a penis.

Figure 6. Parts of the clitoris (click to enlarge)

The foreskin of the clitoris is touch sensitive. This means it responds well to light touching and stroking. Just about all the skin on your body is touch sensitive. The clitoral foreskin responds to light touching by giving its owner warm feelings of sexual pleasure. Try it:

• Exercise 10: stroke her foreskin
  Place the very tip of your finger onto your partner's clitoral foreskin and lightly caress the surface. Don't press into the flesh, just gently brush the skin ever so lightly like a painter with a paintbrush.

The feelings of pleasure come from thousands of tiny nerve endings in the foreskin which respond to gentle, light stroking. If you are male, you can experience the same feeling for yourself by lightly stroking the foreskin of your penis, which is also touch sensitive.

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The Clit Glans
The glans of the clitoris, on the other hand, is pressure sensitive. It responds well to deeper massaging, pressing and kneading. Beneath the surface, the pressure sensitive nerves get stimulated by a fingertip pressing gently into the flesh and rolling it around. How hard you press must depend on what she prefers - so ask her.

• Exercise 11: massage her glans

Place the tip of your finger onto her clit. This time press slightly deeper into the flesh and massage her glans as well. To begin with use small, gentle massaging motions. Feel her glans underneath, feel it slip around beneath her foreskin. Get a feel for the shape and size of her glans.

If your finger keeps slipping off her clitoris, or gets mixed up in her labia, try this: to find her clitoris again put your finger onto her pubic bone (the bone that juts immediately above the genitals) and slide it downwards until you find some flesh. The first thing you come to should be her clitoris. The labia are found further down.

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See the Clit
It may help to actually take a look at her glans. If you gently pull her foreskin a few millimetres up towards her pubic bone (see diagram below), her glans will now be exposed and you can see its shape and size. Again this will be much easier if her legs are apart. The glans is the small, round piece of flesh that sticks out from underneath the foreskin.

Figure 7. Gently pull her foreskin back to see her exposed glans (click to enlarge)

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Don't touch the bare clit
However, don't touch her exposed glans. The clitoris is naturally designed to be stimulated with foreskin covering the glans. Touching her exposed glans will actually cause more pain and discomfort than pleasure because the glans is not touch sensitive. This means it won't respond to light touching or rubbing.
Foreskins (of the clitoris and the penis) are touch sensitive; the glanses (of the clitoris and penis) are pressure sensitive. The foreskin protects the glans from uncomfortable direct friction. It also gives the glans pleasure by letting a finger or hand massage it.

To understand this discomfort you can do the same thing with your penis. Pull your foreskin right back and lightly rub your finger on the top of your glans (head of the penis). Make sure your glans is dry. Not nice is it? This is cos the glans of the penis, like the glans of the clitoris, is not touch sensitive. Rubbing the exposed dry glans lightly usually causes pain or irritation. The same goes for the clitoral glans. Pull her clitoral foreskin back to get a look at her glans but don't touch it.

Having said all of that, there are some times when the exposed glans can be touched and stroked - usually when its well lubricated. This depends on your partner's preference. She may enjoy having the tip of her exposed glans stroked lightly if it is nicely lubricated with saliva, with fluid from her vagina or some other lubrication. If you try this make sure to ask if she enjoys it.
The same applies to the penis: you can probably enjoy pulling back your foreskin and running your hand up and down on your exposed glans, but only if its well lubricated. In both cases the lubrication acts as a substitute for the foreskin, preventing direct friction to the glans but still allowing a deep massaging sensation.

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The Full Clit
The clitoris you can see and touch is the tip of the iceberg. The full clitoris extends 3 or 4 inches inside the body. It consists of 4 'bulbs' hidden beneath the surface which wrap around the vagina, 2 either side. These bulbs fill with blood and become firm and erect during sex excitement, just like the penis. The clit erection helps the vagina and penis work better together during sex. The bulbs help guide the penis in and out. This is one of the reasons why foreplay is important before sex.
So, the clit is much larger than what you see on the outside; most of its body mass is on the inside. With the penis, the most pleasurable area for sexual contact is the glans (head) but the warm feelings of pleasure are felt thruout the entire penis, head and shaft. The same is true of the clit: when the clit glans is stimulated, pleasure is felt thruout the full clitoris, glans, shaft and bulbs, inside the body.
The similarities between the clit and the penis go on. In a human fetus up until about the 7th week after conception, the female and male genital structures are identical. They both look female with a tiny clitoris and labia. The female groundplan then grows into normal clitoris and labia in a female fetus but grows into a penis and scrotum in a male. Each part of the female genitalia has its equivalent in the male. They tend to have the same type of sensitivities: foreskins both touch sensitive, glans both pressure sensitive, the labia and the scrotal sac (embryonic equivalents) both touch sensitive, and so on. If you look at an adult scrotal sac there is a line running down its centre. This is from development in the womb where the tiny labia of the male fetus fuse together to form the scrotum. The adult female and male genitals differ in size and arrangement but come from the same initial groundplan.
Women and men may not be able to feel what the other is experiencing, but we can safely assume that the pleasures gained from the clitoris and the penis are very, very similar.

Female orgasm

It's been noted by many that orgasm should not be seen as a goal to be reached. Sex can involve lots of different types of pleasures - foreplay, massage, talking, kissing, dancing together. The priorities are your relationship and your love for each other, and pleasure. Still, orgasm can be a really, really nice addition.
One of the nicest ways for women to orgasm is through G spot massage. If this doesn't suit you then the clit might work better for you. Most women can get to orgasm in minutes or less by stroking their clit themselves. Some women get to orgasm other ways, some don't orgasm at all. Everyone is different.